Communist Uprising in New Jersey

April 17th, 2016: the USA’s communist party showed its strength in style as more than 40,000 activists flooded the streets of Princeton NJ in a display of solidarity rarely seen in the western world. New Jersey locals joined with the University to celebrate “Communiversity” a flagrant display of left wing power in the heart of Chris Christie’s state.
Framed by cherry blossom (which obliged by showing its reddest hues) bands played anthems such as “Party in the USA”–Miley Cyrus’s plea to bring communism Stateside–while the University’s film society showed non-stop propaganda movies, characterized by the classic communist motif whereby the Director, being unable to think of an ending, stops the film summarily at some random point after about 30 minutes of meandering meaningless footage.

New Jersey’s red state bird was visibly flipped towards Silicon Valley as the Ivy League powerhouse unveiled its “Commubike”, a communist commuter coal-fired bicycle seen in racks throughout the campus. Professor Ivan Smeltovic-Jarres III told TTT:

“Princeton has always represented the classless ideal of the working man; we are the beautiful yet delicate anti-privilege flower protruding from the turd of capitalism. The coal-fired bicycle embodies the proletariat’s struggle and is 25% more fuel-efficient than any currently available electric or petroleum powered vehicle”

 

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The coal-fired Commubike on the Princeton campus (center)

On behalf of Kommunistiskas everywhere Sweden salutes you comrades!

Stig Bruunwelder reporting from the classless haven of Princeton, New Jersey