IKEA Mein Kampf

In a particularly shocking story for “Evil Switzerland”, reporter Stig Holfjord reveals how Swederland’s iconic brand IKEA used Nazi technology for their own ends.

In initial designs for the store, founder Ingvar Kamprad was looking for a structure that allowed masses of customers to enter without letting them exit. Taking inspiration from his well-documented Nazi roots he realized that the best functional example of such design was to be found in the concentration camps:

image

This was used as the blueprint for the original floor plan; Mr. Kamrad envisioned an entrance with one-way escalators that lead to a maze of themed chambers eventually exiting to the payment area without giving customers any chance of escape without purchase:

image

The Turunn Tribune used Computerized Topology technology to superimpose the two floor plans to provide this chilling representation of Mr. Kamprad’s design:

image

This shows the extent of IKEA’s evil vision: as you fight through the throngs to get out of IKEA remember that you are actually touring an authentic replica of a concentration camp. There is a disturbing parallel in placement of the various departments relative to the areas of the camp; in the interests of taste these will not be explicitly described but we ask readers to have some sympathy for Nazi victims as you load the flat-packed shower unit or stylish oven into your vehicle at the loading dock. Better, The Turunn Tribune urges all our readers to boycott IKEA, and if you are tempted to take the 1-way ride through this home furnishings hell, do not, under any circumstances, eat the meatballs.