CIA Operation “High-Value Talent Alignment” Pays Dividends in War Against ISIS

Sources close to Washington leaked details of the CIA’s covert “High-Value Talent Alignment” (HVTA) counter-terrorism program to The Turunn Tribune this week. Our contact confirmed the success of this highly secretive mission:

“The initiative has been hugely detrimental for ISIS; militarily it would have taken a decade for us to impede their operations to this extent”

In 2014 the CIA deployed trained Human Resources and Communications professionals disguised as Jihadis into northern Syria. These young professionals infiltrated the ISIS ranks and have progressively set up corporate-style HR and Communications departments within the ISIS infrastructure. The effectiveness of the ISIS insurgency has plummeted as a result; the measures instituted as part of HVTA include:

  • Time-consuming and pointless “Insurgent Engagement” surveys issued biannually to all ISIS fighters.
  • Requirements for all top-ranking caliphate members to complete multiple-page 360-degree evaluations for at least 20 other elite terrorists.
  • A Communications mandate to change the organization’s name; the confusion between ISIS, ISIL, IS and Daesh was untenable from a branding standpoint. The new moniker will be simply “I&I” accompanied by a red motif containing the word “Terrorist”. This new brand and logo was reported to have performed very favorably in consumer research.
  • New guidelines on all I&I communications, including requirements to use a strictly enforced PowerPoint template and positive, ethnically diverse, imagery in all public statements.
  • Introduction of an I&I Travel Policy restricting use of any unauthorized travel providers, safe houses and target-delivery carriers, requiring all expense reports to be submitted via a poorly-designed mobile application, even for combatants killed in action.

The sum of all these actions has left CIA leaders barely able to contain their joy at the stunning efficacy of introducing US corporate structure into a previously agile and formidable foe. A follow-up initiative–codename “Operation IT Service Desk”–has been launched to paralyze the terrorist’s renowned information technology capabilities.