No – you are not mistaken about the date! The Turunn Tribune is delighted to sponsor the gods of Swedish heavy rock–Krokus–to play the world’s first tour in the year 2217! That’s right readers, we–at great personal expense–will be funding a Krokus World Tour in 2217!
The Turunn Tribune has arranged for all four members of this renowned metal act to be cryonically preserved at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Arizona. In 200 years’ time the band will be reanimated using advanced medical technology to play a series of shows spanning Europe, Asia and the Americas. Thanks to The Turunn Tribune, fans whose great great great grandfathers are just being born will be able to experience the thrills, the sweat and the animal intensity of the majestic Krokus.
We apologize to current Krokus fans who have temporarily lost this great band; we received a considerable discount for freezing them now before natural death, but believe this is in keeping with the “die young” ethos of rock ‘n’ roll. We do not support the skeptical view (posted on social media) that this was a small price to pay to remove them from the world for 200 years. Due to budget restrictions however, Alcor were constrained to choose one band member who would only have their head preserved. Naturally we chose the singer Marc Storace who will still be able perform in the absence of a complete body.
Book now to ensure your offspring do not miss these shows! Tickets will be on sale from January 2017 for those who want to gift this experience to future generations. As usual we are the vanguard of a new trend; The Tribune has received unconfirmed reports that, inspired by our bold move, Canadian veteran rockers Rush are planning to be frozen alongside Krokus in order to tour in 2112.