TribbiLeaks today released exclusive details of a “chilling” menace to the United States in the form of a new ISIS initiative: the Snow Bomb.
This new threat is another unintended consequence of American Intelligence Agencies’ clandestine operations inside ISIS. The terrorist organization recently stratified to form a more corporate structure, helped by the CIA who saw the opportunity to undermine Islamist operations through covert infiltration of US-trained HR professionals. This support may now have backfired, as it is believed that ISIS have managed to develop a fully functional, long-range Strategic Marketing Team (SMT), capable of reaching the entire Eastern seabord of the USA. The SMT has been extensively funded by the Jihadists to conduct multiple “blueskying” retreats in resort hotels throughout the Middle East. Their flagship initiative, known internally as “Project Home of the Brave”, was to identify factors that would spread maximum terror in the USA and develop a weapon tailored to these fears. From a content analysis of US news channels and internet usage records the ISIS team determined that the top 3 newsworthy frightening things for most Americans are:
- Terrorist attacks
- Muslims or any Arab-looking race
Using this data they conceived the ultimate weapon–the Allah Akbar of terror–the Islamic Terrorist Snow Bomb. TribbiLeaks obtained CIA documents of a very sensitive nature containing a full suite of marketing materials for the new threat, including photographs of a bomb-shaped object covered in Arabic script surrounded by Jihadists with guns and evil looks. The caption in English threatens “you will get 30 inches of the white stuff“. Under condition of complete anonymity our TribbiLeaks source, Stig Jorghensluüp, added:
“It’s terrifying! The CIA documents allude to a collaboration between individuals in CNN and ISIS. It’s a win-win, the news networks get stuck for stories when there isn’t any snow or terrorist threat and the terrorists need to spread terror. By teaming up to deploy an Islamic weapon that delivers snowfall at any time of the year, the networks have just found the Holy Grail of audience ratings!”
According to our source, “Project Home of the Brave” has been developed and tested successfully in southern Yemen. It is now undergoing extensive market research with the expatriate American population prior to official launch in the Spring.