China to Host all Future Olympic Events

In a shock statement issued earlier today the International Olympic Committee announced that all future Olympic events–both the summer and winter games– will be held in Beijing, China starting in 2022. FIFA have also made it known that they are considering hosting upcoming World Cup tournaments uniquely in the Chinese capital for the foreseeable future.

Both organizations claim that financial incentives are not behind these decisions; according to Hans Leitmehafmula of FIFA:

“The climate in Beijing is uniquely suited to sporting events; clear skies in summer and plenty of snow in winter. As a global sports organization we are duty-bound to our athletes to provide the world’s best environment for their performance. FIFA has never been swayed by financial considerations and we firmly reject any such allegations”

The last event of this scale hosted in Beijing was the 2015 international terrorist missile convention where the world’s terrorist nations came together in Beijing to parade their arms of mass destruction in front of cheering crowds in Tiananmen Square.