Controversial LGBT Ban at This Year’s Philadelphia Flower Show

The LGBT ban at the 2017 Philadelphia Flower Show has planted seeds of anger in the fertile soil of American identity politics. One enraged local activist told The Turunn Tribune:

“We can’t comprehend why, of all shows, there would be a ban on LGBTs at a flower show. Plus, the theme is “Holland” and most Dutch men are in the GBT category. I will certainly never attend this event again and urge all socially-engaged Americans to do the same”

The organizers of the show are tiptoeing very cautiously through their tulips under a barrage of protest, and no one from the Pennsylvania Horticultural Society (PHS) was available for comment. We did however manage to speak to Mr. Derek Flatkap, the event’s Head Groundsman, responsible for all maintenance and plant care, who explained:

“I do not understand what all the fuss is about. The Longitudinal Garden Bush Trimmer is an especially dangerous tool due to the length and velocity of the longitudinal blade. We just cannot authorize its use while the event is open to the public; bushes will need to be manicured using safer manual shearing techniques”

PHS are no doubt hoping that attendance will once again bloom when the public understand the rationale for this controversial decision.

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