Pope and Trump Agree to End Disestablishment of Church

Another bastion of western democracy is under attack from President Trump. In a “rather cooperative” call with Pope Francis, the leaders of Church and State agreed to end the longstanding separation between Church and Gift Shop.

The move will allow the Catholic Church to concentrate on its gift business and “de-emphasize” the less popular liturgical wing. Currently the Church does allow gift shops in all Cathedrals and sites of “holy significance”, generating a significant revenue. Under the new agreement with President Trump, this business could expand into other US markets. A source close to the White House told The Tribune:

By 2018 we could see Catholic paraphenalia having their own aisle in supermarkets, with refrigerated storage available in the meat section for higher-end relics. The President has offered to make the Trump branding available for Catholic items which could be a boon given his popularity with the Christian community.

Others are less enthusiastic, claiming this violates fundamental constitutional principles. Speculation is also rife that the ultimate goal is “Saint Trump” as the President has sufficient funds to buy a sainthood and these newfound ties with the Pope will only help his cause.