United Launch New High Speed “Delta Wifi” Service

More aggression from United Airlines, this time in promoting their new high-speed "Delta" wifi service
More aggression from United Airlines, this time in their promotion of two major new innovations in passenger comfort. They recently launched their “Polaris A1” business class which is hoped to redefine and dominate the luxury travel sector, and now a new high-speed “Delta” internet is available on selected routes. The airline would not comment on the technical underpinnings of this new advanced service, but admitted that until now they have had more pilot reports of alien spacecraft than flights with functional internet access. On condition of complete anonymity, Cheryl Sutcliffe, a senior flight attendant on United’s Scandinavian routes told The Tribune:
“There are regular near-misses on our flights; they do not get reported, but on the majority of routes we narrowly miss connecting to United wifi”
The new service requires passengers to skip connection to “unitedwifi.com” in favor of the network “Delta Studio” and is only available on routes flown jointly by United and Delta Airlines, specifically on those flights where the two companies operate similar flight schedules. Coincidentally, United are deploying their best ex-military pilots on these routes, favoring First Officers with direct experience in mid-air refueling, acrobatic displays or any maneuvers that require flying in close proximity to other aircraft.