New Study Shows that Cyclists Are More Important

A study released today shows definitively for the first time that cyclists are more important than the general population. The study confirms what cyclists have always known intuitively; pedestrians, drivers and other obstacles to their progress are significantly less important than they are. Thanks to our close ties with Brian Beardstein of Bicycling Magazine, we have some expert commentary on these findings. According to Mr. Beardstein:

“These results come as no surprise. Bicycle riders are in fine shape and always dress superbly, in tight Lycra shorts, close-fitting sports t-shirts and colored helmets. Their dedication to getting to where they’re going, in the fastest manner possible without trifling with pleasure or enjoyment is impressive. How could the general population–walkers, wheelchair-bound obstacles and other cripples, polluting drivers, people taking ‘leisurely strolls’–be more important than us? At last we have proof to back-up our behavior”

The Turunn Tribune would like to remind readers, especially in the light of these new results, to move out of the way quickly for cyclists. We recommend that anyone disabled or incapable of doing so rapidly remain at home instead of impeding their passage.