Civil Unrest Follows Church Panpipe Ban

Panpipe Protests Multiply Outside Churches

The Church’s decision to add panpipes to their list of “Instruments of The Devil” has provoked a strong reaction from congregations across the world, notably in South America where churchgoers are vehemently opposed to the action. In defending the decision, Cardinal Nestor Delacruz told The Tribune:

“These pipes are used to extort money; tired commuters are forced to listen to El Condor Pasa as they exit the subway, innocent shoppers are fooled into buying dream catchers or alpaca backpacks, they target every festival and community fair, no one is safe from these evil instruments”

This ruling follows an equally controversial move to brand the harmonica as a satanic implement in 2016. It could add to social unrest in the USA as protests continue outside churches, and may also add to the President’s international worries. Lima has formally objected, their national anthem is played on the panpipes and much of Peru’s GDP comes from sales of artisanal stuff that is difficult to sell without stultifying pipe renditions of Una Paloma Blanca (unless you are a tourist in Peru’s oxygen-rare atmosphere where you will later regret everything you bought while suffering from altitude sickness). President Trump was quoted as saying “that’s church stuff, we don’t mess with it”. The WH backed this up with a statement that it was “an ecumenical matter”.