France Alienating Allies, Heads for “Worsted Waterloo”

Macron Footwear Fuels Francophone Fracture

Emmanuel Macron continues to distance France from its traditional partners. Even in what should be its strongest alliance — with another young tousle-haired francophone leader of questionable masculinity — Macron’s choices are leading to stark isolation. This was nowhere more evident than in this year’s G20 Summit where the French and Canadian leaders’ contrasting sock strategy placed them on opposite ends of the political lower leg spectrum. In a recent Turunn Tribune exclusive French analysts expressed anxiety about the geopolitics of their new premier’s footwear preferences, and their predictions are rapidly becoming reality. Mr. Pierre Casse-Pieds, the President of L’Association Francaise des Chaussettes Animées went on record to state:

If we don’t stop this relentless march towards a masculine ankle we will most certainly lose our global footing. As the British currently dominate the more measured and manly foot, driving rifts with previously colorfully aligned francophone allies is potentially disastrous. Macron must stop this madness before we lose yet another war to the British; we are fast approaching a showdown, which I fear will be a “worsted Waterloo” [Editor’s schlorligtüun: this refers to a heavyweight sock produced using English worsted yarn]

The Turunn Tribune will continue to monitor this story closely, bringing you the unreported backstory behind continually unfolding geopolitical realities.