Trump Declares Trenton the Capital of New Jersey

In a bold political move President Trump has signed papers making Trenton the capital of New Jersey. Opponents warned him that this could inflame tensions in the Garden State where the Governor has always lived in a comfortable residence in Princeton rather than the troubled territories on its southern border. Instead of swanning around boutique stores and ice cream parlors with the Ivy League, the incoming governor will now have to face the Hip Hop Hoagie Shop, rampant gun crime, poverty and pork roll.

Making Trenton the capital could force Governor of the nation’s fourth most affluent state to actually look after its infrastructure and citizens instead of speeding up and down the Turnpike in his Chevrolet caravan attending meaningless municipal events and fundraisers for dubious political hacks.