US Immigration Buoyancy Screen Draws Criticism From Me Too Movement

The US immigration services’ new Immersive Buoyancy Test for female immigrants is drawing fire from the growing American women’s populist movement. The IBT has been installed in many of the US Citizenship and Immigration Services’ (USCIS) hubs around the USA following President Trump’s measures to prevent women possessed by demonic hordes entering legally into the country. The Turunn Tribune posed questions about the ethical basis of the IBT to a USCIS spokesperson, who spoke to us on condition of strict anonymity. A partial transcript of this interview is published below:

TTT: Please confirm that you are Mr. Greg Turner a USCIS official residing at 102 Shorelands Drive, Elizabeth, New Jersey?

Anonymous: I am

TTT: How can you justify the systematic use of the IBT for all female applicants for immigrant status in the USA?

Anonymous: The screening is quick and painless using specially constructed buoyancy tanks filled with water heated to 40 degrees Fahrenheit. If you’re alluding to the fact we only apply this to women, I can tell you that we are designing a Warlock Screen that will be given to selected male applicants. The central question here is: when we have a gold-standard test—proven over centuries— for detection of dark powers, why wouldn’t we use it? Why place the American people at risk?

Much as the President and his immigration officials believe in the procedure, the country’s women’s movement are vociferous in their criticism. At the recent national women’s march many carried anti-IBT placards with slogans such as “Warmer Water for Immigrants” and “No Government-Issued IBT Swimwear: Respect Womens’ Rights for Designer Brands”.