Dog Joins United’s “Million Miler” Club

Roger that! en route to the cockpit

Following United Airlines’ recent spate of doggie disasters we are pleased to report on a heartwarming story of canine conquest in the air. Meet Roger, an unassuming Golden Retriever with a slight limp, who, at first glance, looks like an average mutt destined for the overhead locker. No chance of that for Roger! After flying his millionth mile with United he just joined the airline’s prestigious Million Miler program giving him lifetime Premier Gold status. Roger enjoys priority boarding, regular business-class upgrades and is regularly treated to unlimited bones and his favorite cat movies while onboard.

In fact Roger’s milestone is largely due to his owner, United pilot Peter Brinksman. Captain Brinksman is legally blind, and, thanks to United’s non-discrimination policies, flies braille-adapted 777s across the globe with guide dog Roger at his side to help, especially with the landing. The Turunn Tribune interviewed other United pilots as part of our rigorous fact-checking process and can confirm that Captain Brinksman and Roger are popular and very capable in the cockpit. One First Officer did complain that the dog’s name is unfortunate as he barks loudly and urinates every time the crew respond in the affirmative to Air Traffic Control, raising stress levels in the cockpit.

Piper Two One Four Lima, Roger!

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