Prime Day Fails to Move “Mumford Mountain”

Revealing another flaw in their business strategy, Amazon are admitting that Prime Day was originally created as a means of reducing the “considerable quantity” of Mumford and Sons CDs that they acquired from 2009 through 2015. Analysts estimate that the online behemoth bought upwards of one million copies of each of the British act’s albums over this period, being the major reason that the band managed to top the charts in the USA and UK. Jeff Bezos is taking personal accountability for this error of judgment, admitting that he was attracted to the band—as were many other rich middle-aged business people—mistaking their affected “new retro” stylings for genuine talent.

The trigger for Bezos’ decision to launch Prime Day was the band’s decision to ditch their fake folk personas for Bonoesque pseudo-moodiness, laying their total absence of artistic integrity bare for all to see and abruptly halting sales.

Despite massive publicity over Prime Day it has not been successful at clearing the Mumford stockpile and other subpar products. Employee unrest has been rife, fueled by the attempt to include Mumford CDs as part of their remuneration.