Trump Trumps Brexit With Duckxit

In a shock deal revealed by Tweet last night, President Trump announced the first legal secession from the United States of America. The surprise was that this was not California or Texas–both vying for the right to secede–but, in true Trump style, it was a businessman-to-businessman deal with Disney Chairman Bob Iger. The two reached an agreement for Disney to officially secede from the USA in 2022, forming the new nation-state of DisneyLand, “The Magic Kingdom”. The new country will have its own currency, passport and national anthem with strict security checks enforced at its borders.

Financial analysts are praising this as “the deal of the Century”, expecting additional tariffs and increased tourism to reinvigorate the Disney economy, currently #6 in world GDP rankings. It’s also very timely in the light of renewed competition from other parks, notably Appalachia’s Houseland complex, and will more than offset revenue losses after the recent “unfair” protests over the new Holocaust rides.

Politically the deal has garnered massive bipartisan support. The move will reinforce DisneyLand as the USA’s number one vacation destination, making it culturally acceptable for Americans to return year-after-year to be mesmerized by the safe, sterilized depiction of the external world and induce their children into the same catatonic behavior. With this global vision as a guide the population can easily be fooled into accepting ludicrous geopolitical choices without question. The new territories in China and Europe are also politically very attractive and the Pentagon is already planning negotiations to militarize the Hong Kong and Paris attractions.

Hat’s Off to President Trump! It’s a sweet deal and the beauty it is that nothing has to really change. Let’s all rise for It’s a Small Small World!