New Vatican-Asia “No Pigeons, No Law Enforcement”

Following the “historic deal” made between China and the Vatican, an under-the-shroud source informed The Tribune that this includes construction of a Chinese Vatican City (Vatican-Asia) near to the Chinatown district of Beijing. If this comes to pass it would leave the Eurovision Song Contest as the only major world institution that is not China-based in some form, with the World Cup, Olympics and the NFL Super Bowl already owned by Beijing. President Xi Jinping has promised the Church a new City, built to the latest standards and negotiators are working on the contentious white smoke which Beijing cannot allow in its current form due to anti-pollution regulations. The original Euro-Vatican will remain in Rome, while the Asian site will offer Cardinals respite from the pigeons and a safe haven from western legal and financial authorities. 主教 Francis has confirmed that the new project is “真好” for the Church.

Chinese officials deny that the country’s ambitions verge on megalomania with this move and its continued Belt and Road project. Our source stated that this was just “normal business” and that the construction of Mecca-Beijing will not begin for at least five years to allow the dust to settle on the new Vatican.