Amazon’s Megalomaniac Christmas Plans Revealed

Prototype of New Amazon Delivery Drone

One of Jeff Bezos’ management memos has been leaked to the Turunn Tribune, shared in the hope that Amazon’s latest project, verging on the truly megalomaniacal, can be stopped. The most innocent part of the plan involves the construction of a new delivery drone featuring a giant sleigh harnessed to a team of reindeer, capable of flying at up to 5000 feet at speeds approaching 200 mph. This vehicle will begin delivering Prime Christmas orders from November 2019. This is just one component of a larger scheme to exploit modern society’s propensity to believe almost anything if it involves unseen powers or buying goods at a discount price. Amazon’s research has shown that whereas children stop believing in Father Christmas at approximately 8 years old, adults continue to believe in obvious myths such as Black Friday well into old age. This was the genesis of an idea to expand their Prime media content production operation into the development of a completely new religion for the 21st Century. Believers would receive higher discounts on all Amazon lines, with access to a range of exclusive religious artefacts. While the idea of linking religious belief to commercial exploitation is not new, the Amazon team believe that adding a spiritual foundation to their retail powerhouse will create the world’s leading religion within 10 years.

There are still more questions than answers. Is this a scary vision of the future or a safer, more visible, path to salvation? Will entire populations be fooled by rich exploitative marketeers? Can we collectively believe in obviously fabricated fables that are promoted for purely commercial ends?

While pondering these The Turunn Tribune wishes all its readers a very Merry Christmas!