USA Compliant with Emissions Standards Thanks to Shutdown

Finally some good news for the USA — it has at last met the emissions targets set under the Paris Agreement, with mid-January figures showing a marked improvement. Experts point to the government shutdown as a major contributor to this success, with the EPA announcing:

The reduction in Federal and State employees driving to work every day, plus the associated drop in heating and energy usage and all the other gases emitted by the generally inefficient government apparatus has made a major contribution to meeting our greenhouse gas commitments. Even making this type of announcement from home shrinks the EPA’s own carbon footprint.

President Trump is credited with this success, shutting the government down has been lauded as a stroke of lateral thinking genius, with many other indices showing upticks in the absence of interference from state or federal agencies.