World War II Triggered After Hitler Landed on Goebbel’s Insel Schwanenwerder Hotels

New documents are coming to light that place the blame for World War II squarely on the shoulders of Parker Brothers, makers of the popular board game “Monopoly”. It appears that the misery and conflict caused by the game was not only limited to the many families worldwide who mistakenly thought this would be a fun way to spend an evening. After its German release in 1936, several Nazi insiders became avid Monopoly players, with regular late night games in the Berghof residence of Herr Hitler. The recently released excerpts from the diaries of Hitler’s head of Berghof staff describe the tumultuous scenes when Hitler built hotels on Grunewald or his favorite Chaussee Straße, located just before the jail. Aides noticed the obvious satisfaction when Hitler successfully owned the majority of the game’s properties, leading him to develop his philosophy of “strength lies not in defense but in attack”. The game’s inevitable conclusion of one-player domination, through random luck together with deals based on coercion and misinformation, set the stage for what would soon become humanity’s darkest hour. The trigger moment occurred in late August 1939 when, according to diary entries, Hitler landed on Goebbel’s newly-built hotels on the expensive Insel Schwanenwerder just prior to passing Go. With insufficient Deutsche Marks, Hitler mortgaged all his properties including the prime railroad station Görlitzer Bahnhof. Losing the Banhof was the last straw for the Führer and, in a fit of explosive rage, he kicked the board over and stormed out of the room. Two days later, his rage still simmering, Hitler ordered Nazi tank battalions to cross the Polish border. Parker Brothers were notably absent from Nurenberg, but there are growing calls for them to be tried as culpable for the ensuing mass extermination, a crime which could still lead to the hanging of Parker’s CEO under international law.

Even though this Hitler link has only recently been definitively established, the potential of the game to foment anger and insurgency has not been lost on international intelligence agencies. Monopoly has been central to the CIA’s strategy in South America where flyers encouraging people to play have been dropped over Guatemala and Nicaragua, with a CIA-backed special 2014 World Cup edition that was promoted widely in Venezuela to spectacular effect.