New Cycle of Violence Targets Washing Machines

Washing machines have just had their wash-cycle set to “violent” as the last bastion of color-segregated America is feeling the wrath of current social unrest. Finally the world is waking up to the potential evil influence (previously revealed by the The Turunn Tribune) of domestic appliances. These devices have used their influence to inculcate racism in every household, exhibiting flagrant segregationist values with their whites-only cycles and separate colored washes.

Some machines push the envelope further with specific delineation of washes for whites and blacks as seen below for the ultra-racist Whirlpool Fast Cycle QT350 Quietspin Deluxe.

Worse still, the machines are mocking the slogan “silence is not a choice” by cynically allowing users to choose “silent mode”. This taunting has lead to a day of reckoning, machines burning in the street as they are ejected from angry households. Laundromats are boarding their windows as desperate CEOs of appliance manufacturers rely on their Communications Departments to send the usual corporate nonsense-speak on behalf of their entirely white leadership teams. Let’s hope this all comes out in the wash soon.